


When Your Crazy Ex is the Grandmaster

by Arabesqueangel



Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Crack, Hijinks & Shenanigans, M/M, Wedding Planning, Weddings, past Grandmaster/Loki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:20:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26100067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arabesqueangel/pseuds/Arabesqueangel
Summary: Loki and Stephen are getting married! Most couples have the stress of selecting vendors, finalizing the guest list and hoping their family doesn't ruin anything. However, the God of Mischief and the Sorcerer Supreme do not have such petty concerns. Mostly they are trying not to get killed by the Elder of the Universe who happens to be Loki's ex.Or5 Times Loki thought the Grandmaster was trying to get revenge and the 1 time he did
Relationships: Loki/Stephen Strange
Comments: 16
Kudos: 58





	When Your Crazy Ex is the Grandmaster

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Laily](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laily/gifts).



> For Laily who has been bugging me about this fic since I mentioned that I wanted to write it! You are one of my favorite enablers!
> 
> Also, shoutout to [AuroraWest](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuroraWest/pseuds/AuroraWest) who practically deserves a co-author credit for the bouncing off ideas we did that created this little fic!

1

Sometimes, Loki questioned why Stephen could possibly want to marry him. No, that wasn’t quite right. Loki _constantly_ questioned why Stephen would actually marry him. Stephen went on about love and compatibility, laughter and intellectual connection and other such nonsense, but the question lingered in Loki’s mind. How could any of that overcome the baggage that was Loki’s past? 

Looking down at the wedding present that had arrived today, Loki was reminded of some of his most… colorful baggage. That being the craziest of all crazy exes. Not that the Grandmaster was what Loki would really call an ex. The two weeks on Sakaar had barely been enough for him to get into the man’s good graces, even if it _did_ get him into the man’s bed. But he was the closest thing that Loki had, and he had certainly been acting the part lately. 

The large box was decorated in bright blue, gold and red geometric shapes that just screamed Sakaar. There was no question in Loki’s mind as to who it came from. The question now was what was the best way to dispose of it?

“Another one?” Stephen asked.

Loki sighed. “Unfortunately. I suppose I should be thankful none of these were set to blow up. I’ve been able to dispose of the others just fine, but it concerns me that he might step up his game.” 

There had been 4 others, all of different shapes and sizes, but all with the gaudy designs that shouted their origins.

“Are we sure that these presents are malicious? I mean, you’ve never actually opened one of them.” Stephen asked, sitting down and eying the package.

Loki leveled his fiancé an unimpressed look. “I seduced the man, stole his security codes, helped his Champion and Thor escape with his Orgy Ship-“

“Wait, orgy? What orgies?” Stephen interrupted. 

Loki waved him off and continued as if he hadn’t said anything. “Then I helped the rest of his gladiators, who had just staged a revolution escape on _another_ of his ships and left as well. How could he possibly have anything other than malicious intent?” 

“Touche. I won’t question it again. I do want to know about these orgies though,” Stephen eyed Loki.

Loki didn’t make eye contact. “Mh hmmm… maybe later. Want to send this to some appropriate dimension for me?”

Stephen, bless him, knew when he’d been beat; he nodded and swept the box through an orange portal.

“Done, but I just want to point out that when we receive a present from Christine, please do not incinerate it before opening.”

“Yes, yes, your exes are all kind and rational people. I have given you several outs from this whole bother, you know.” Loki grumbled.

Stephen smiled and leaned over to kiss Loki’s temple. Loki would never let the man know just how much that small, but intimate gesture warmed him inside.

“Never going to happen.” 

2

Apparently, implements of destruction disguised as gifts were just the tip of the iceberg. 

Stephen and Loki were at their cake tasting. Loki had been looking forward to this for weeks. A day where he got to sample vast numbers of different confections. It was basically Vallhalla. Stephen had been visibly amused by Loki’s giddiness.

They sat down at the table and the baker brought out three wee little slices of cake. Loki must have looked visibly disappointed because she smiled a bit.

“Don’t worry, that’s just the first wave,” she said with a wink. Loki perked up a bit at that digging in. 

The vanilla with buttercream was nice, if boring. Now the champagne cake with raspberry truffle filling, that was divine. The marble cake with a caramel cream was surprisingly delightful. Too quickly Loki had polished off his plate and was eying Stephen’s unfinished one. Stephen chucked and pushed his plate over to Loki who wolfed it down in seconds. 

The woman came back with two more plates with three samples of cake each. The first one Loki tried was a red velvet with cream cheese, very tasty. He took a bite of the second, a yellow cake with a purple filling he couldn’t quite identify. Once it was in his mouth he had a moment of trying to peg the flavor before he gagged and spit it out onto his napkin.

The baker gasped in offense, but Stephen just placed a hand on Loki’s shoulder, concerned. 

“Loki what’s wrong?”

“It’s been poisoned,” Loki managed. Taking deep breaths to try not to vomit. Or maybe he should vomit to get any remaining poison out of his system?

Stephen eyed the cake warily before shrugging and taking a bite. The change of his face from considering to disgusted would have been funny if Loki wasn’t so appalled. He too spat the bite down quickly. The baker looked like she was going to cry.

“I said it was poisoned, why would you take a bite?” Stephen didn’t answer, he instead portaled them directly to Christine’s hospital. 

Loki liked Christine, really he did, but having her see him vulnerable was less than pleasant. But she gave both him and Stephen a clean bill of health and sent them home quickly enough. Certainly quicker than if they had seen any other doctor, so Loki didn’t put up a fuss.

After a few hours, when there were no ill effects to be had, Loki was fairly sure they weren't going to die; not that he didn’t trust Christine’s word, of course. She just couldn’t possibly be an expert on what was obviously an alien contagion. 

“I suppose the poison didn’t stay in our mouths long enough to get into our system. Funny, I would have thought the Grandmaster would have accounted for that better.”

“Wait, you think it was him? Why?”

“Obviously that taste was too revolting to be of this world.”

“Remind me to introduce you to monkfish liver paste,” Stephen huffed.

“But really Stephen, why did you take a bite once I told you it was poison? Do you have a death wish?”

“Well if you were going to die, what point was there in me living on?” Stephen said seriously, gazing deep into Loki’s eyes.

Loki’s heart fluttered a bit and he batted his eyelashes at Stephen before rolling his eyes exaggeratingly.

“So romantic!” Loki then smacked him in the arm, causing Stephen’s earnest face to shift into a smirk. “Too bad I don’t believe a word.”

“Yes, well, I wasn’t exactly sure it was poison. You do have a tendency to be a bit overdramatic,” Stephen snorts. 

“Yes, well we’ll see who’s overdramatic when the Grandmaster succeeds and we’re both dead!” Loki huffed.

Stephen just gave him that look that said he wasn’t helping his case. 

3

Neither Stephen nor Loki gave a flying fuck about flowers, but it was one of those wedding things. They were both perhaps a bit too impatient with the poor florist. Still, even if Loki’s didn’t care about flowers, he wasn’t having terrible ones at his wedding, and certainly wouldn’t stand for any cliches. Roses? Really?

Loki was eying some lovely tiger lilies when he heard Stephen let out a yelp. He turned and had an odd moment of cognitive dissonance. He was fairly sure Stephen’s feet should not be at eye level. 

It took a moment for him to grasp the whole picture and realize that Stephen had been turned upside down. There was a giant, and surprisingly attractive, blush pink flower whose brighter pink vines were holding him feet first. There were other neon tendrils also wrapped around his arms and torso. 

“Loki, do something!” Stephen grunted.

“Are you sure you aren’t being overdramatic, dear? Maybe it’s just being friendly?” Loki asked sweetly. 

“Loki!” Stephen yelled.

“Oh, fine.”

Loki pulled his daggers from his pocket dimension and made quick work of the vines. Stephen dropped heavily onto the ground and Loki couldn’t help but snicker. 

“Is this another trick from the Grandmaster?” Stephen asked, staring up at Loki from the ground. 

“Or we’re just that terrible at selecting vendors,” Loki replied.

“I’m not going to rule it out.”

4

The answer was, of course, both. Which became abominably clear when they were trying to select a wedding band. Stephen wanted some ridiculous 70s tribute band, but Loki wanted to actually have fun. 

Loki selected a modern-sounding, all digital band who’s name he couldn’t pronounce; which was generally a good sign, right? Of course, Stephen insisted they at least hear them audition before deciding. 

They had barely sat down before Loki was frowning suspiciously at the familiar style of the three members’ clothing. They weren’t pulling any punches either. The very first note was so high that it had sent Loki collapsing to the ground. 

He woke up hours later in the sanctum.

“What the hell happened?” Loki asked his hovering fiancé. 

“I did a little digging on Jotun's. As it turns out, you are very sensitive to specific frequency sounds. The exact one used by that band, as it turns out.”

“Well that’s a fun new fact to learn about myself,” Loki muttered.

“Loki, I really think the Grandmaster is trying to kill us. We need to be very careful going forward.”

“Honestly, I’m a bit surprised he wasn’t one of the members of the band. He did so love his playing; he was the only one though.” Loki shuddered. 

“Loki, this is serious. It’s not as if the Grandmaster isn’t a powerful enemy. We don’t even really know the true extent of his powers.”

“He’s an Elder of the universe. I’m not sure there _is_ an extent to his powers,” Loki replied, feeling a bit sick at the thought.

“At least that explains what you saw in him,” Stephen quipped. Loki didn’t really have the heart to laugh.

5

Loki looked at the card in his hand. Well, he supposed it was inevitable that the Grandmaster would finally take the direct approach. He had figured the man was saving it for the actual wedding, though. Loki supposed he should be grateful that wasn’t the case.

The card was an invitation to lunch with the Grandmaster. It was at a restaurant Loki had been meaning to bring Stephen to. It was very good italian food and had a lovely back room that Loki thought would be perfect for the rehearsal dinner. That idea was busted. 

Loki tossed the card in the trash. Really, he had no other choice. They had only narrowly avoided the Grandmaster killing them both by luck alone. Loki could never survive facing him head on. He wasn’t even sure if he and Stephen called in the Avengers that it would be enough. It would have to be, though, for the wedding itself. 

Then again, for an all powerful being, the fact that Loki and Stephen hadn’t died was rather suspicious. The Grandmaster didn’t _have_ to go about it with all these tricks and plots. Then again, he probably was amused by it, which was reason enough for the Grandmaster. Still, could there be another angle to it?

It hit Loki like a speeding truck. He had to sit down from the force of it. Of course, it was so obvious.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Stephen said as he walked into the room. “Actually, you were much more relaxed about the ghosts.”

“The Grandmaster is trying to get me back,” Loki said.

“How do you figure?” Stephen asked, Loki waved to the card in the trash, which Stephen picked up and read. 

“Huh, he is asking you out on a date, you may not be wrong about this,” Stephen admitted.

“Thank you for the vote of confidence,” Loki shot back wryly.

“Well, you’ve been certain up until now that he’s been trying to kill us,” Stephen pointed out.

“Probably just you.” Loki patted Stephen’s knee.

“Comforting,” Stephen said in a dry tone. “Please tell me you aren’t going.”

“Of course not,” Loki scoffed. “If I have to reject him in person he definitely _will_ kill me.”

“How are you feeling about us inviting all the Avengers to the wedding now?” Stephen asked. Loki hadn’t exactly been enthused about it at first. 

“I’m going to go make sure Thor brings Stormbreaker with him up to the altar.”

+1

Standing up at the altar, Thor next to him, facing Stephen looking ridiculously handsome in his tuxedo, Loki was certain that this was the happiest day of his life. 

“If anyone can show just cause why this couple cannot lawfully be joined together in matrimony, let them speak now or forever hold their peace.”

Loki frowned over at Wong. They weren’t doing the traditional wedding language and certainly hadn’t included that. Wong too, was frowning and looking at his notes with a disconcerted expression. Loki got the impression Wong had not been in command of his own mouth for a moment.

“I object!” A voice came in from the back of the room and Loki sighed, smacking his head into his palm. 

“He does know this is a complete cliche doesn’t he?” Tony asked from next to Stephen.

“Brother?” Thor stepped forward, swinging Stormbreaker up and causing several guests to gasp in alarm. 

Unfortunately, none of this stopped the man in ridiculously gold robes from strutting up the aisle. And Loki? Loki finally snapped.

“You know what, Thor? I’ve got it.”

Ignoring protests from all assembled, Loki stalked down from the altar, grabbed the Grandmaster’s arm and pulled him from the room into the hall. 

“Hey, hey,” the Grandmaster complained, rearranging his clothing after Loki let him go. “You’re ah… you’re just lucky, Topaz isn’t here. She’s a real stickler for respect.”

“Yes, lucky me,” Loki drawled. “I’m tired of this, I just want to get married, so what is it? Do you want me back? Do you want to kill us both? Let’s just get this out in the open now so I can either die or get on with my life.”

“Die? Die? What the… what would make you think I wanted to kill you? That’s just… you have such an overactive imagination, Lokes.” To be fair, the Grandmaster looked genuinely shocked at Loki’s statement, which had Loki wondering what he had missed. 

“The many suspicious boxes you sent?” Loki started. 

“You are getting married! It’s ah… maybe I’m wrong, but it’s my understanding…. I thought that a present was traditional.”

“You kept sending them after I had Stephen get rid of them.”

“Well yeah… I mean, that was really rude, but I had to make sure you got at least one of them. You are lucky that I’m so generous.”

“What about the poisoned cake?” Loki asked. 

“Poisoned? What… how could you? You thought that was poison? That was a Sakaar berry frosting! It’s a delicacy as well as an aphrodisiac! I was just trying to help you find your perfect wedding cake! You really need to broaden your tastes.”

Loki was getting a sinking feeling, but he might as well go on. “How about the flowers with the vines that tried to strangle Stephen? You can’t possibly have a reasoning for that abomination.”

“Strangle? The Hugger? You would… you call the universal plant of love an abomination?” Grandmaster put his hand on his chest in offense shaking his head sadly. 

“Ok, the band. The band that specifically played at a frequency that incapacitates Jotuns?”

“Wait… Jotun? What does that have to do with Carl and the gang? They were very concerned when you two just abandoned their audition. Again… I don’t know how a prince could be so rude.”

“I’m Jotun!” Loki growled. 

“Oh… you are… but, you aren’t blue? Or you know… ten feet tall. Or wait… is that rude of _me_? Is this a sensitive subject?”

“Nevermind,” Loki waved off the Grandmaster’s ‘concern’. “Ok, the restaurant. You cant deny that you asked me out on a date.”

“Well… I… I mean, I probably should have recognized that it could appear that way. But… I never dreamed you would want it to be a date”

“I didn’t want it to be! I never showed up!”

“I mean… I sort have got the impression you were done with our little thing when you left how you did… not that I wouldn’t mind returning… it was ah… fun, yeah, wasn’t it?”

Loki groaned. This was impossible. Getting anything out of the man was like pulling teeth. “What did you mean by the restaurant invitation then?”

“I thought it would be a lovely place for a rehearsal dinner!” The grandmaster said finally.

“Oh… yes, me too, I guess,” Loki said, off-put.

“Then why didn’t you?” The Grandmaster asked, looking amusingly sad by the fact. 

“I thought it might be a trap,” Loki admitted.

“Really, Lokes. You really should work on this whole paranoia thing. I tell you… i mean one thing you learn living practically forever… everyone’s out to kill you anyways…. Ah… yeah, so why worry about it?”

“A bit easier when you are an Elder of the universe.”

“Ha… yeah… you found out about that, huh? Well… you… yeah, you always were a smart one.”

“So, all this time, you weren’t trying to do anything nefarious? You mean me and Stephen no harm?”

“Well, ....I didn’t... at the time. I definitely plan on getting my revenge now. I mean… there’s principles.. And there’s manners… and look, I may have gotten bored of the whole being in charge of a planet thing but…. Yeah, I still just can’t let anything like that lie.”

“Grandmaster…” Loki started, his heart speeding up again. 

“I’m just annoyed that I left my melt stick with Topaz. Now that would have been quite the conclusion to the wedding, eh? Oh well, I did the fun interrupting thing. Did you get it? The interrupting? Like you did with me? I mean… not meltworthy, but i did get my revenge in the end.” The Grandmaster looked imminently pleased with himself.

“Oh, yes,” Loki agreed, his brain working overtime. “That was quite dramatic, everyone was very shocked. Stephen is quite upset. I don’t think you could have come up with a better revenge. I must apologize profusely Grandmaster. Your clever actions have taught me the error of my ways.”

“Hmmm? Oh, yes, that was revenge wasn’t it? That was… yes, that was definitely my plan. Of course, I succeeded.” The Grandmaster frowned for a bit, obviously trying to remember something. 

“Of course! You’re an elder of the universe and now that you’ve shown your displeasure with us peons, you can get going and spend your attention on someone far more suitable.”

“Yes well…. Oh yes, I was going to go see how my brother is doing. Nowhere is a bit of a jaunt, but hey…. No longer running a planet, so what else do I have but time? Well, that’s that.”

The Grandmaster just disappeared with a flash. Loki had a moment to process what just happened, how he somehow had managed to get out of what could have been a very dire situation. Then, he laughed; he laughed until his sides were sore before he realized he should probably get back to his wedding. 

Stephen looked relieved when Loki came strutting back up to the altar. Stephen pulled him into his arms for a moment before letting him go just enough to be able to look into his face and smiling. 

“You look fine. How did you do it?” Stephen asked. 

“I outwitted him, of course,” Loki said without the least amount of modesty. 

“You managed to outwit an Elder of the universe?” Stephen asked, suitably in awe of Loki’s genius. Loki preened. “Wow.”

“No, no, it wasn’t that hard; I guarantee it.” Thor cut in. Loki elbowed him in the gut and glared. 

“I’ll tell you the story later,” Loki smiled at Stephen. “How about we get back to getting married?”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> If you like StrangeFrost and want to chat about it on Discord join us at the [FrostStrange Sanctum](https://discord.gg/KjcAQR) ! 
> 
> Also, I'm all new and awkward but you can check me out on[Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/arabesqueangel)


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